A New Normal

A NEW NORMAL

Hey friends! As I write this edition of "Confessions of THIS Pastor", I have to admit that I have never felt so OUT OF CONTROL in my whole life! As most of you know... I battle DIABETES and have for years. To be 100% honest, I have not done a good job managing this disease in my body over the years and now I am suffering the consequences of my "non action". I have diabetic neuropathy and this has caused a breakdown in the joints and bones of my left foot and I developed what is known as CHARCOT FOOT. This is NOT a good thing. What has happened is that my arch has dropped and the need to do surgery to re-construct the foot is now something that is inevitable. 

Above is my new friend... Kirby, who is the one who does casting for the Ortho Neuro group where I am getting my treatment. My Orthopedic surgeon is Dr. Jeff Gittens and I really like this guy! His PA Assistant... Megan, is just as Awesome!  I am doing everything I can to be obedient to their treatment and my need to have a total change of lifestyle with my eating and living to change my diabetic future! 

I also have to credit some of this new treatment to my endocrinologist Dr. Jaime Goodman who is in Mt Vernon, OH and a part of the Knox Co. Hospitals. She is aggressive in her treatment and coaching and also is one of those new people in my life who I believe in and who I am trusting to help me make the necessary life changes! 

I cannot tell you how many different times I have waged this war to change and have failed. So many times in fact, that I am embarrassed to say. HOWEVER, this is not going to hinder me from going at it again. I am attacking this war with a vengeance and TRUSTING GOD to renew my strength and to fight this war on my behalf. I do struggle with the feelings of failure and at times, feel like I may not win this battle. I know that the enemy plays with my head, but it is really hard emotionally at times.

As of this writing, I am basically immobile. I am in my 4th hard cast...spending most of my time sitting on a couch. I can move a little but I am not to put any weight on the foot! I cannot stand for any length of time, nor can I walk on it any more than a step or two. They want to avoid the foot from developing an ulcer before operating on it. Another factor that the surgery depends on is my blood sugar readings. I am at a 7.9 A1C (about a 180 BS average) and they want me down around 6.0 -6.5 to operate. This will allow my foot to heal once the surgery is done. The higher the blood sugar is.. the harder it is to heal. SO.... CHANGE IS NEEDED to get the numbers down and to stay down!

I came home today from getting this 4th Cast and I crashed again emotionally. I can't figure out HOW this affecting me the way that it is. SO many other people deal with such BIGGER things and they get through them just fine. In fact, in the big scheme of things... this really is not that big of deal. WHY is it nailing me so hard? 

Yesterday, A couple in our Church lost their son to a terrible infection that ravished his whole body. Although I made it down to the hospital once to see him, thanks to one of my dedicated leaders.... but yesterday... I could not be there when he passed away!!! I felt terrible and so helpless. I FELT like I was letting this family down. ( I know that this is my ego and pride), but it STILL haunts me. I am SO GRATEFUL that another of my AWESOME leaders we there at the precise moment that this young man passed away and was there to comfort his family ! The Lord had it ALL in control, but I was so frustrated! I also realize that God is trying to mold me and shape me into more of the man that HE wants me to be... realizing that it DOES NOT all depend on me and I am not the ONLY ONE who can be there for people! But, trust me... that is a painful lesson to learn. Help me Lord!

Friends, this road is far from being over. I more than likely have months to go to be back to somewhat "normal". Please pray for and WITH me on this journey. I WILL listen to the Lord and I WILL be obedient to both Him and those in my life who are caring for me. I PROMISE. However, it will be a battle every step of the way.

ON a positive note... our family enjoyed one of the BEST Christmas Seasons Ever! We had our first Christmas with our new Granddaughter, Lyla and her parents Natalie and Ken. Ryan and his girlfriend Allison were here and we also traveled down the road to enjoy addition Christmas Time with Larami's folks. We had AWESOME services at Church and saw God move in a number of HUGE ways! So We are thankful and looking forward to what lies ahead!

Feel free to call or email or even stop out if you want! I will be here... sitting on the Couch!

Blessings to you all!!

Dan